25 Hysterical Texts That Dogs Would Totally Send Us If They Could

Dogs are, to paraphrase Tina Turner, simply the best. Even if you don’t own a dog, seeing one on the street can absolutely make your day.

But have you ever wondered what was going on inside the heads of your favorite pooches? Sure, they might just be thinking about naps and cuddles and their next meal, but we’ll never know for sure.

That’s what makes the funny messages created by the author of a Tumblr blog called “Text From Dog” so delightful. Wouldn’t life would be so much more exciting if your dogs knew how to text you? Here’s what they’d say…

1. Depression is a serious condition and it can affect not just humans, but dogs, too. Luckily, this guy was able to help diagnose and cure his pup’s depression all in a couple of hilarious texts. Tennis balls: the Prozac of the dog world.

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2. When the dog found out about the old wives’ tale that cats have nine lives, he just couldn’t believe it. Of course, the first thing he did was reach out to his owner in total shock. His owner was worried he would be upset, but his actual reaction was priceless…

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3. This time, the dog texted his owner secrets of the dog world. You know how many dogs appear to be afraid of vacuum cleaners? Turns out that they do this on purpose for a reason that is absolutely inspired.

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4. For human beings, food is a necessity, but it’s also something we can have a tough relationship with: Eat too much and we’ll gain weight; eat too little and we’ll starve. Dogs think about food and body image in a very different way… and here’s proof.

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5. Dogs and human beings both have memories, although they work in very different ways. For a human, leaving the house to run errands or go to work doesn’t mean forgetting what your home life is like. For a dog, well… it’s a little bit more complicated than that.

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6. When humans need stitches, we get a bandage and strict instructions on how to treat the wound. For dogs, a plastic cone is often placed around their neck to keep them from bitting and licking their injury. This dog is not pleased about it in the least!

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7. Dogs have funny ways of trying to get rid of their excess energy throughout the day. For some, this can mean chewing up shoes and other pieces of personal property that they find around the house. For this dog, it means pretending he’s a superhero!

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8. Dogs love food, they just can’t help it. They also love spending time with people. If you combine food and the company of their number one guy, you’ll have one annoyingly devoted pooch.

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9. Dogs and humans relate in very specific ways. You throw your dog a ball, not talk to him about the state of modern politics. Well, you can if you want, but you don’t expect an answer, anyway! This dog wants his owner to treat him like a human, but it doesn’t always work!

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10. Even the cleanest dogs sometimes come down with a case of fleas and that can require a bath with a very special shampoo. This dog, however, has formed a very special relationship with his fleas that will leave you in stitches.

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11. The battle between dogs and their tails has been going on since time immemorial. Sure, this dog might be smart enough to have figured out how to text his owner, but that doesn’t mean he’s smart enough to realize that his tail is actually attached to his body.

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12. Clearly things between this dog and his owner aren’t exactly like the relationships any of you have with your pets. While your dog might get distracted during a game of catch, this dog takes “distraction” to a whole new level.

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13. There’s no denying the fact that dogs are very loyal to—and even overprotective of—their owners. This doggo takes his owner’s loyalty seriously, too. When he dares to pet another pooch, wait until you see how the dog responds!

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14. Dogs can be very particular when it comes to their surroundings. If something seems out of place, they’ll respond in unusual ways. This dog proves that’s true when he notices that some furniture has been moved…

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15. Ask any mail carrier and you’ll get the true scoop: dogs really don’t like the mailman! But you know what they do love? Getting mail. However, what they do with it is a little less than helpful…

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16. Chances are you’ve had to deal with your dog destroying a few of your personal belongings somewhere along the line. However, this pup points out that a lamp and a wrecked mattress is nothing compared to the pain of getting fixed!

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17. Even dogs can get an itch for the limelight. They certainly love attention, no matter who it comes from. This dog clearly just wants his owner to start posting his texts for the likes… and maybe fame.

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18. Is there anything a dog likes more than a rigorous game of fetch? This doggo loves it so much that sometimes he gets a little confused about what he’s supposed to be fetching in the first place!

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19. Some dogs are smarter than others. This guy? Well, he’s pretty close to being a genius. When his owner accuses him of wasting toilet paper he’s got a retort that will leave you thinking “touché…”

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20. Dogs love it when their owners come home after being away. This pooch knows to associate the sound of a car door closing with his owner coming home from work. However, sometimes he’s wrong—and it’s pretty darn cute.

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21. Part of what makes dogs so wonderful is just how willing they are to open up their hearts to anyone, even to strangers! That’s all well and good, but it can also be very dangerous. This dog made a new friend and it really worried his owner.

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22. This dog is exceptionally well-trained. In fact, he’s so good at performing tricks that he can even do them when prompted via text. However, this can prove to be problematic when his owner accidentally sends a typo his way…

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23. One of the only downsides of owning a dog is having to take them outside so that they can do their business. If you get stuck doing an important task or likewise, you might expect to get a series of texts like the one this owner had to deal with…

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24. If there’s one thing that will always fascinate a dog, it’s keeping an eye on what’s happening in their back yard. When this dog spotted a cat doing the unthinkable in his garden, he just had to let his owner know.

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25. It was only a matter of time until this dog figured out that he could request pictures of his owner. That said, the guy definitely didn’t expect that he would have to send his dog this weird kind of picture. Too funny!

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